So maybe I wasn't correct last month about the "no ovulation." I'll mention the reasoning later. But for now I'm sitting right on (new) CD6. Last cycle seemed to drag on and on so I had a lot of time apparently to research a bit more. I'm always researching because new things are always coming up in discussions boards or recommended by others OB's. I couldn't even tell you what I was looking up at the time, but I found a new supplement being thrown around and I started reading more about it. Its called 'Pregnitude.'
On the box it says it's used for Reproductive Support and is used as a Dietary Supplement as well. I know if you have PCOS, a big percentage of us are considered overweight, so I was kind of excited it was also a dietary supplement. The 'ingredients' consist of 200mg of Folic Acid and 2000mg of Myo-Inositol. All the reviews, testimonials and board discussions I've read said there is little to no taste (it comes in powder form in a packet):
So basically what I've read is that Pregnitude helps improve egg quality, helps give you regular cycles, and can also improve insulin resistance in place of Metformin! Also, one of the best parts? NO SIDE EFFECTS. Andrew was incredibly happy about that! :)
I've found quite a few websites that have given their own reviews of Pregnitude - Here's a few:
Does Pregnitude Really Work for PCOS?
What is Myo Inositol?
Pregnitude: Does it Work?
PCOS Pregnitude Success Story
& Of course, the Pregnitude website:
Pregnitude
I did read on another site that Pregnitude basically works like Clomid - So if you ARE taking clomid, take only one packet a day for less risk of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). Since the Pregnitude says take once in the morning and once at night, I figured I'll take that in the morning, and continue with the Clomid in the evening. I took the Pregnitude this morning (well my morning, since I work 3rd shift) and I'm pleased to say that the reviews are correct - The water tasted no different to me! Usually when something says its 'tasteless', I can usually tasted a little difference at least. Not this. Phew!
I am actually genuinely excited about this cycle, and the upcoming ones. I'm taking 100mg of Clomid, I'll be using Pre-Seed for BDing, Prenatal vitamins once a day (I know! I should of been taking these a long time ago - I ran out and never got more. BAD!), and Pregnitude once a day. I'm going to try my absolute hardest to start cutting things out of my diet as well. Obviously, I'll be using ovulation strips as well, and this time since I have so many, I'm going to continue using them probably until CD 25. I heard that Clomid plus PCOS can cause you to ovulate late - I didn't know that! Maybe that's what happened last month, and I totally gave up. We'll see about this month - I'm going to try keeping better track of symptoms, CM, etc.
I also wanted to note that the company I bought my Pregnitude off of on Amazon sent me a small packet in my shipping box:
The angle I took the photo at kind of made the words blurry but it says "This baby dust is special and is being sent to you hoping it will help your fondest dreams come true."
How seriously sweet is that? Made me tear up a bit. I was SO excited! Even on the invoice in the box it said 'GOOD LUCK! & Baby dust!!'
I guess it's the little things in life. :)
-J
Is it just me or does it feel like this has been the longest month ever? Well. Maybe not 'month.' I guess more like this cycle. It has seriously just drug on. I think its because I realized I didn't ovulate this month, so there really wasn't anything to 'look forward too.'
I did, however, start my first year of college this week! 24 years old, and I'm just now a freshmen in college. Better late than never, I guess. It feels kind of bitter sweet though. I put off college because I KNEW I wouldn't get pregnant easy, and I knew that I needed to cut down on stress - I wanted to be a mother first. Let my child grow up a bit, then be able to attend college while he or she attended pre-school, or kindergarten, etc. I have to keep telling myself that I'm not giving up on being a mother by going to college now - I'm just re-writing my chapter. I'm getting a head start.
I can't keep continuing to live in a world all about a baby that may or may not happen. I need to do something for my husband and myself. I don't want to look back ten years from now, maybe still childless, and realize that I could of been bettering myself all that time. I have those moments now - I'd have a degree by now if I would of just started college when my high school friends did. They're growing up - And I'm still just a third shift Security Officer. Sure, we're not hurting for money per se, or a roof over our heads. Andrew has a wonderful job, and for someone with only a High School Diploma, I make great money. We're more fortunate than MANY people. I've known about our last chance of a baby being IVF for years, so we made the decision to start saving as much as we could then. I've been working on establishing my credit for just as long, and I'm happy to say its perfect right now, should we ever need to get out a loan to cover what we might not save.
My oldest sister needed a total hysterectomy by 28 due to severe endometriosis. If my PCOS starts getting out of hand to the point where maybe I'll start developing uterine cancer, I'll want to do IVF as soon as possible. Pregnancy usually reverses uterine cancer, at least for the time being. So I'm glad we made the decision to save, just in case. Its looking more and more like that's the path we will have to take to get the family we've always seen for ourselves. And, if we decide not to do IVF (a 40% chance scares me), we'll have a good down payment to start building a house, or we'll be able to buy Andrew's dream car. Either way, I really have nothing to complain about, besides my non-working uterus who refuses to do it's job.
Trying to remain positive is ridiculously hard, especially through infertility. Sometimes, I'm so tired of being the person that everyone knows as 'the infertile' or 'the girl who can't have kids.' I can't stand it. I want everyone to start seeing me as I'm starting to see myself. Determined. Proud. Brave. A fighter. Courageous. I want them to know that I'm definitely not the person I used to be. Being broken so many times has 100% changed me. But I'm slowly realizing that infertility will not define me. I will be better than it. I will beat it. Even if its just with the way I live the rest of my life.
-J
Clomid cycle #4 (first cycle of 150mg) is well on its way. Today is CD 18, and unfortunately, I can't tell if I ovulated or not. My ovulation tests weren't very clear on an LH Surge at all. I'm not even sure if I had one, which would ultimately mean I didn't ovulate this month.
I talked with my Dr. regarding the symptoms I was feeling this cycle in regards to the other cycles I had at a lower dosage of medication - He believes I had a very mild case of OHSS. I'm not sure if that prevents you from ovulating or might prevent you. I haven't really done much research on it as of yet. I posted the photo of my tests below. CD 17 was supposed to be the day of ovulation, so I had tested twice. Once when I got home from work, and another before I went back to work (I work third shift, get off at 8am, back in by 11:30pm). I tried enhancing the color so it was a bit easier to see.
As you can see, there's definitely a jump from CD 12 to CD 13 but the tests specifically say the LH line needs to be as dark as the control line, or darker. CD 16 was as close as it gets and still, in person, they don't match. I'm a little frustrated. I've gone through this so many times before that you would think I'd be used to this guessing and agony! I'm definitely not feeling good about this cycle now.
Every month I try to stay positive, think positively, and just hang on to hope. I'm giving up on this cycle. Now we'll focus our efforts on next month.
The last thing for this blog post is in regards to all the couples fighting infertility like my husband and myself. I think you finally get to a point in the Infertility waiting game when, seeing people you've come to know because of infertility, get a BFN and it breaks your heart almost just as much as it does for them. I never stop rooting for all of you. I never stop hoping for all of you. Even if your time comes where you finally get to become parents, and I'm still stuck waiting. I hold on to the fact that your pregnancy means there's still hope for me.
I never used to be that way - I would be jealous. Bitter. Angry at you, and angry with myself for BEING angry at you. I think that's how infertility has made me grow. Like it or not, Infertility has made me a better person because I no longer take everything for granted. I realize things could definitely be worse. Maybe this is the mind set of a severely depressed, infertile woman who's on the verge of giving up for the umpteenth time - Or maybe I'm just lucky enough to know that what I have now, is just fine for the rest of my life. If this is all I get, I have more than most. Who am I to be mad about that? And while having a child would complete the family I've always seen for myself, I already have a completely whole family with Andrew. It's taken a long time, but we know we'll be parents someday. Whether we adopt, or have our own child.
And we're going to be great either way.
-J
Today is CD 12, better known as Tuesday. Usually on this day, I start tracking my Ovulation tests. Which I WILL do. But as of right now, since it's 4am, I haven't done so yet. I definitely feel like my ovaries are getting the dose of Clomid I'm taking. Sometimes it feels like they are stretching for lack of a better way to describe the feeling. Not necessarily painful, but not entirely pleasant.
This is the first month on 150 mg, and I can't say that I had these "symptoms" the first time I took 150mg a few years back. That could be due to the fact that I had a softball sized cyst on my left ovary which was preventing the medication from working. I was kind of concerned about OHSS, but after looking up the signs, I'm pretty sure I'm safe! I think I might just be feeling it more due to the rough week Andrew and I have had.
We both work third shift, and we play on a Co-ed softball team. We actually won the first two rounds of the 'championship' playoffs (whatever you want to call them) so we had to play until we either lost, or won the game before the Championship (which took place yesterday, Monday) on Saturday. On Thursday night, we both went to work, got home, slept from 9am until 3pm and didn't get home until after 9pm from another Softball game, and had to go straight to work. Problem with that, is on Saturday, we had another game at 10:10am. So we went basically straight from work to the game and kept winning (not a bad thing!) but we played almost non-stop from 10am until 7pm. Got home, showered, slept until 10pm and had to go right back to work. I'm pretty sure we both felt awful the entire night from being up over 24hrs and getting a little over 2 1/2 hours of sleep before going back at it!
We lost the Championship game and came in 2nd place. Not bad for a team that had the 2nd lowest record in the league! I guess we'll get them next year!
Anyway. This was just to update on the days, and how things are going this round so far. I can't believe its August already. I can't believe its been almost 6 years since we've been trying to have a baby. Never in my life would I have expected this. No one tells you that things might end up like this. Life definitely doesn't always turn out like they say.
Infertility can make or break a person. Sometimes for good. Here's to crossing fingers, wishing on stars, and everlasting hope.
-J
