I've had a few 4 page essays to keep up with in my English class, but the good news about that is they have all resulted in A's! I wrote one of my papers on Infertility, and you would think that would have been the easiest paper seeing as I've dealt with it for the last 6 years, but with all the emotions attached to it, it was hard to keep myself 'detached.' It was only an analyzing concept essay, but every time I started re-reading it back to myself, it seemed like an argument essay. Apparently I'm very passionate about Infertility!
Anyway, I apologize for not blogging since last month. Eek! I can't believe it's October - How is time going so quick?! I can't stand it! Since last month, I made the decision to go off Clomid until I see my newest RE in November. I wanted to take the time off to see if I could not exactly reverse my PCOS, but see if I could make it 'better' in a sense. I've cut out all white flours, white bread, white rice, white sugar, etc. I'm doing it slowly, so I don't knock myself back in to my old ways. I've lost 7lbs so far, and its been two weeks. Not bad! Every bit counts! I'm going to eventually work on cutting bread out completely, even though everything I've read said 100% whole wheat bread is fine for women with PCOS. I read somewhere that in every piece of bread (white bread for sure, not clear on other kinds of bread) there is either human hair or duck feathers! Gross right? Apparently it's an ingredient that helps preserve the bread for longer periods of time. Absolutely foul if you ask me. My husband said "What? That's weird." and CONTINUES to buy white bread. Siiigh.
Since I mentioned it above, I'll go in to a bit of detail about my new RE. He used to be in a practice with my FIRST RE, Dr. Murphy. Dr. Murphy eventually moved to Pennsylvania, and I switched to a new OB, who referred me to Dr. Shamma, who is actually #4 in success rates in the entire country! He is out of Michigan, but has an office in Toledo. Score! Well, I thought it was a score anyway. He wouldn't even entertain the idea of IUI. It was IVF or nothing. Problem was.. that idea of IVF being the only option we had left scared the (excuse my language) HELL out of me. A $15,000 procedure for a 40% chance? Of course, it's totally worth it, but at 23 I was devastated.Where were we going to get the rest of the money? And of course, WHY could we not have at least two rounds of IUI? What was the problem that it wasn't even thought about? I had no idea. But, we bolted. We didn't look back.
A year went by, I went back in for a regular check up at my OB's, and he decided to do Clomid. We all know how the 5 rounds of that went - All busts. About two and a half weeks ago I decided since I WAS ovulating on clomid (My progesterone on 7dpo this past month was 32.74! Anything over an 8.0 is ovulation!) that I would try to get a hold of Dr. Murphy's old counter-part Dr. Karnitis - Who was still in the same place that Dr. M used to be. Apparently, my father's cousin went to him years ago and got pregnant four times - her first resulted in live birth (he's 19 now and such a great kid!), her second and third pregnancies were miscarriages, and her last pregnancy was twins, but one passed away in the womb. The other twin was born 100% healthy and she is a beautiful 15 year old! An employee of my Dad had went to him and had one IVF cycle which resulted in her twin boys. My step-sister was going to him until she wound up pregnant herself about 3 or so years ago. So, he has a pretty good track record in my family alone :)
I'm thrilled. I'm scared, but I'm excited. I fought with myself about calling them and making the appointment. What if he just told me the same thing? But I sucked it up. Before I go any further, I'm going to take a quick minute to tell you a story - My Grandfather (on my Dad's side) was my absolute BEST FRIEND when I was a kid. We lived with him and my Grandma growing up, and as a result of not having my mom around, they became like second parents to my sister and I. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for him. He was the only one there when the soccer team I played on won our first 'championship' game. I got a gold medal, and every coach on that field congratulated me on an amazing game played as my team's goalie. I was unstoppable that day, and I KNOW he was so proud of me. My Grandpa had polio and cancer, and he passed away on April 13th, 2002. My Dad came to pick me up from my friends house and he actually got out of the car and one look at his face and I knew it. I will never forget that day. I was 13 and heartbroken. Even as the months passed, I swear I knew he was there. I would wake up every hour on the hour with the minutes on the clock at '23.' That was the number I wore the day of the Championship game, and I had buried my gold medal from that day with him. I'm not sure how many of you believe in psychics or mediums, but my Grandma went to see one after he passed with my Aunts and my Dad. And the lady looked at him and asked him about his 'two girls' (my sister and I) and she asked him which daughter had butterflies on her ceiling. He said he wasn't sure (I had taped cut out butterflies to my ceiling just a few days before this, and he didn't know), but she told him he needed to tell the daughter with the butterflies on her ceiling that he was okay, and that he loved her. When my Dad got home, he asked us - I have a feeling that he knew who it was (everyone had joked that I was my Grandfathers favorite when he was alive) cause he was looking right at me. I was absolutely horrified (thinking that he was going to yell at me about them!) and the look on my face must of said so. I hurriedly made an excuse that I would go up there ASAP and take them down and that I didn't think it would harm the paint cause it was just clear tape. He quickly said it was fine, but said I needed to listen to something. He took me out to his truck and turned on the radio and put a tape in the player, and I just listened. It was heartbreaking and relieving at the same time. I miss him SO much even to this day - Everyday (especially on his birthday and the anniversary of his passing) I can't help but think about how he never got to meet my husband, and I wonder if he would have liked him, etc.
Anyway, back to scheduling my appointment with Dr. Karnitis - His receptionist said he was booked pretty far out for new appointments, and the earliest day they had available wasn't until November. A little annoyed by that, I said Novembers fine. What day and what time? My heart must have stopped when she said the date, cause it was no other day than my Grandfather's birth date. November 13th. She even asked me if I was still there (of course I was!).
I'm not one for superstition, etc., but I'm going to go out on a limb and take this as a good sign of things to come. She even said 'If I have cancellations, and can get you in earlier, I'll give you a call.' I said 'No need - I'll keep my appointment time as it is.'
11 years later, and I know he is still watching out for me.
-J
