This is a short post - But I had my CD12 Ultrasound yesterday to see if there were any "good" follicles produced from the Femara I took on CD3-7. My RE decided to skip over 2.5mg and go straight to 5mg. I have definitely felt my ovaries working - They just feel sore and discomforting at times. My left one was hurting worse than the right so I thought for sure I'd have at least one good follicle from it.
Much to our surprise, we pretty much walked right in for the ultrasound! Trust me when I say, that never happens! I told A to take a picture of the screen if there were any good ones just so we could say we had the very first 'photo' of any baby that might be produced this month!
Except, I didn't get the news I was REALLY hoping for. I went in SO excited... and was completely shocked that there were at least 10 follicles on my left ovary, but none of them measured over a 10. She went over to the right and there was quite a difference - I saw maybe 3 small ones, but right in the center was the one we were looking for!... except it was only at 16mm. In order to trigger with Ovidrel it needs to be at least 18mm - Not a happy camper. She said that your follicles grow 2mm a day after they hit 12mm so my 16 should be a good 18 by today (1/29/14). She showed our pictures (A totally forgot to take pictures - Probably due to my unhappy/unpleasant facial expressions) to our RE, and he said to definitely have me trigger tonight. So, I'll be poking myself in the stomach tonight at 8pm, so that I ovulate around 8am on 1/31/14.
I have my fingers crossed so tight.
Just please let this work (finally).
-J
A new year is always a time for resolutions. Its been that way for as long as I can remember. Its been that way since before my time, and it will probably be that way long after my time.
I remember when my resolutions were funny and reflected a life I didn't yet know, like "Eat Captain Crunch at least twice a week." (Not kidding!) and "Ask Dad for a horse every single day until he finally gives in." (He gave in. But it wasn't until this past Christmas! Better late than never!)
The last few years my resolutions evolved in to "Stop at NOTHING to finally have a family." and "Eat healthier, go to the gym more, etc. etc. etc." We haven't stopped trying, and we started eating healthier and we go to the gym.
I'm not making those demands this year. Every year that has gone by I've started to hate myself a little more. That's not fair. There are plenty of inconsiderate and rude judgmental people out there that do enough of that for you. Why should I try to do the same to myself? They know nothing about my struggles, and yet still pass judgement. I know my struggles, I know my silent "invisible" disease. Instead of doubting and hating myself, I'm going to do my best to embrace what I have, and not what I don't and might not ever have.
I have a husband who adores me, and would do absolutely anything for me. He's my best friend. I'm going to work on loving him just as much and more. Infertility has made me a different person, and it definitely did not make me the best wife at times. This year, he's going to know how much I appreciate him and hes never going to have the chance to doubt the love I have for him.
Were going to carry on with our new fertility treatment plan but we're going to keep a realistic outlook. If it fails the first time, we'll try again with our head up. Rome wasn't built in a day. We're going to give it everything we have, but we're going to LIVE outside of it. This time, it will not consume us. We are more than our infertility, we are more than our struggles. This year, we're going to prove that to ourselves.
Last but not least, I'm going to stop hating my body. If there's something that could use work, I'm going to work on it. I will embrace that I can walk, talk, think, see, feel, etc. when so many others cannot. I am tired of being abused by my own mind. I have a good GREAT life. Its time I start realizing it.
Happy New Year to everyone, and good luck!
-J
