Be gentle with yourself.

CD $#!&.

I haven't updated in awhile (a month actually) but I guess I'm better late than never.

This is a post to let anyone who might read or follow this blog that A and I will be taking a break for just a little bit. Life happened, and we need to step back and take some time for ourselves.

I'm fine, he's fine, but life is a bit of a blur right now! When I'm back, hopefully I'll be a little better than ever.


To those still in this crazy journey, I wish you patience, hope and the unwavering stubbornness of a person who will NOT give up on a dream, and one who will never give up on themselves.


                    

-J

Do what frightens you.

CD14/IUI Day!

Our original plan of IUI happening on the 19th backfired. The last two months on Femara + Menopur I was ready to ovulate by CD11.. Not this time! I went in Thursday the 17th (CD10) to have my follicles checked. My lining was superb! 13mm! Woo!

And much to my surprise, instead of the huge follicles I was used to seeing by now, I got two 11mm's on my right ovary, plus a 14mm on my right, and one 16mm on my left. My normal ultrasound tech, January, said that I was super early in my cycle and those numbers were perfect for where I was at. I tried not to panic! She said Dr. would look over my ultrasound and call me by the end of the day with my plan.

He called of course, and I had to take all five of my menopur injections for the first time ever. So I continued with the next two days, and triggered at 10:40pm on Saturday, April 19th.

Anyway, onward to today (IUI day). A had to be at the clinic at 8:40am to do his business, which he ROCKED by the way!! Proud wife moment right here - Before wash he had 159 million men at a 56% motility rate. After washing there were 81 million, and the ones that made the final cut to be injected?! 38.1 million with an 80% motility rate!

Also, January had said my follicles would continue to grow through the trigger shot til they released their eggs so that would have put our 16mm at 24, our 14mm at 22, AND she said there was the possibility that my 11's kept growing and became beautiful 18-20mm's! So I know there are two good follies that released, and a chance of FOUR!

I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up - 6+ years of this, and NEVER in my life seeing a real BFP, I just have serious doubts that we will ever be parents. Sometimes, I'm kind of a drag. =/

But, I am ridiculously optimistic, but 110% cautious. Fingers crossed!

-J

There will be miracles.

CD5.

Its Saturday, the 12th today! A is finaaaally home from Atlanta, and he's now a certified yard master! Woo! I flew down this past Tuesday to be with him on his ride back up and because I couldn't stand not being with him anymore. I missed him soo much!

Anyway, this will be a short update. Last cycle was, obviously, a bust. Third time was NOT a charm for us, but that's okay. I WAS three days late for my cycle, but I believe taking pain meds and antibiotics for having kidneys stones (again) and a terrible bladder infection may have been a factor in the lateness; and even though I didn't feel pregnant, my doctors office let me get a beta blood test anyway. Obviously, negative.

We are pretty much on the same plan as the previous two months - Femara 5mg CD3-7, Menopur injections 7-11, but this time? We'll be doing IUI as long as we have two good follicles! FINALLY!

I had two awesome follicles last month, a 22mm and an 18mm, so we're hoping for the same, or some that are even better this month! My body responds really well to both these meds, and I'm thankful for that.

So CD11 (Friday, the 18th) I'll be going in for my follicle scan, and hopefully in for IUI on the 19th.

All I can do now is hope the meds continue working, and hope that crossing my fingers as hard as I can counts for something.

-J

Love harder than any pain you've ever felt.

3DPO.
I had my ultrasound last Friday the 21st (CD10). I had an 18mm follicle on my right ovary and a *drum roll* 22mm on my left! Woohooo! Days ahead of schedule too! So instead of doing my last two days of Menopur injections, they told me to go ahead and trigger that night! So I gave myself the injection at 6pm.

A drove home from Atlanta to pick me up for the weekend - He got home around 1:30am. We left the same day at 9:30am to head to Columbus for his bowling tournament. Got to Atlanta around 2:30am on Monday morning.

Annnd I just got home from my flight a few minutes ago. Our dogs were super happy to see me :)

Anyway, even though I triggered, I'm not sure if I ovulated on the 22nd or the 23rd like I'm supposed too after the trigger. I was having a lot of abdominal pressure/pain and cramping on the 22nd but I had the same effects on the 23rd. Since I triggered though and you're supposed to ovulate 36hrs after the shot, I'm counting the 23rd as O day, which puts me at 3DPO. 

I actually had to sit and think about what day I was on, which is wonderful. The best way to keep my mind off of what may or may not be happening down there. 

Now I just have to keep myself busy for 14 days, until I fly back down to be with A.

I left half my heart in Atlanta, and I cannot wait until it's whole again.

-J

Where there is love, there is hope.

CD 3. 

Femara cycle #3. Calling RE today to get my prescription, then we'll have the same plan as last time, except I'll be going in for my ultrasound on CD10 instead of 12 since I ovulated on CD11 last time. 

A will be leaving on Sunday for Atlanta, then he'll be driving back up here next Friday to get me, then we'll go to Columbus for his Bowling tournament, then we'll drive back down to Atlanta together, and on Tuesday morning, I'll jump on a plane to Detroit to come home. I know, sounds confusing, but we planned it this way, since I'll be ovulating that weekend, so we can hopefully time it perfectly! 

Fingers crossed. 

-J

I am half agony, half hope.

10DPO
Its about 2am so I'm now considered 10dpo! I'm still continuing with my DPO Progesterone symptoms, as I wanted to know when they start to fade so I can be prepared for next cycle, and not 'symptom spot' so much. It has made this two week wait that much slower. Anyway, here goes!

3/5/14: 7DPO - Kept waking up due to being so hot, and sweating a lot. Woke up twice due to nightmares. They were awful. Later in the day, had a low grade migraine. Had a sharp pain that started on the left side of my uterus and ended on the other side. Was SO quick, I wouldn't have noticed it had I not of woken up from the first nightmare. Very very mild cramping. Nothing like AF pain. Acne is still being awesome to my face. My breasts are still mildly tender, but fading. Nipples are sensitive. Finally noticing a very small amount of CM. Tired, but chalking this up to waking up so much and the nightmares. Very moody, and so irritable.

3/6/14: 8DPO - This sounds so stupid in words, but while driving home from my allergy appt., had a weird 'wave' like feeling happen in uterus. Honestly, felt like an orca did a flip in there, and created a wave. That's really the best way to describe it. On and off very mild cramping, and acne is starting to diminish. Bloat is still raging on. Had mild heartburn, still tired, was gassy (probably from poor food choice), and had several headaches through out the day. Breasts are no longer tender, but nipples still feel sensitive. Still have a small amount of CM. Still very irritable and moody. I'm snapping at my poor husband for minor things like making me repeat myself 4 times and I normally do not do that.

3/7/14: 9DPO - Symptoms are definitely on their way out! Sensitive and itchy nipples, and just have an overall heavy feeling in my uterine area. Ovaries keep giving me very mild pains intermittently. CM is still present but very slight, just like usual when AF is on her way. Having very mild cramping again today. I think I've had mild cramping every day since O. Still WAY lighter than AF ever feels. Still ridiculously bloated, probably where the heavy feeling is coming from. Still moody, a bit gassy (again food choices), minor headaches, and have a backache today, but chalking that up to so much walking at work the last three days.

And there's that for now! I woke up a bit ago, and wiped and there were two extremely tiny pink lines on my TP, but A and I did "get together" earlier, so I'm guessing that maybe because I wasn't very accommodating, that he tore something. Definitely not feeling like it was IB or anything. I wouldn't even test until AF shows up if I didn't have to, but I need to be able to get my order in so my injections get here on time.

I feel out this cycle. Like 70/30. 70 being agony, 30 being hope. I guess no matter what, hope really IS all we have left sometimes.

-J

Make your life worth loving.

6DPO.
I just wanted to update quick with the last three days of progesterone symptoms. Still waiting for them to fade away - I'm guessing within the next few days, then AF symptoms will take over. Usually about 4-5 days before she shows. I might not even notice when they switch over! Guess we'll see!

P.S. - If you're reading this, leave a comment - Let me know you stopped by! I would love that! Lets me know I'm not alone in this. :)

3/2/14: 4DPO - I am SUPER irritable today. Everything is making me angry. Extremely moody/cranky. Still having what I think are cramps. Nothing like AF, only really notice them when I'm sitting. Not discomforting or painful. Just there really. My breasts are still itchy, just not as bad. Still very sensitive and tender. Despite not drinking much, I was peeing a LOT today. Seemed like every half hour for a few hours. I had kidney stones not too long ago, and I believe one is trying to pass - I'm blaming frequent urination on this fact. Had a lower backache, guessing its from sitting here for awhile typing notes. Really tired still. Very nauseous, especially after eating and drinking anything with flavor to it (cran-grape juice). Still have minor bloating, and horrible heartburn.
3/3/14: 5DPO - Nausea, VERY moody again today, still having extremely minor cramping. Again, really do not notice unless I'm sitting. Sometimes when I cough, my ovary is painful. Not sure what that is about. Still tired, but I can't sleep for long periods today, so I'm chalking fatigue up to that. Still having horrible heartburn. Nothing seems to stop it. Very mildly bloating (expecting this to be gone in a day or so), breasts are still tender to the touch, and sensitive, but do not seem to be that itchy.
3/4/14: 6DPO - Have a pressure down low today. Still mildly bloated, just feeling heavy really. Had more acne pop up today. I never get acne except on medicated cycles. Woke up with cramping, found out it was due to (tmi) gas. Still having horrible heartburn, not as much as yesterday. Thinking it might be dairy products that add to it. Have a lower backache, still tired. Breasts are still sensitive, and the sides are painful today. Itchiness has returned. Still getting nauseous after eating and drinking things with flavor. Doesn't last long. Very quick - Maybe 30mins or so. 

Just like my last tww, this one is going as equally slow. Maybe even more slow if that's possible. I had to go to an allergy doctor the other day due to a re-occurring rash on my neck, so I have a patch allergy test on my back and the masking tape they put on to hold it in place is super irritating and itchy. That gets taken off tomorrow and I cannot wait. 

A was supposed to leave for training this upcoming Sunday, but will not be leaving the 16th instead. I'm kind of glad. At least if I ended up pregnant this cycle, he might be able to come with me to my first ultrasound. My RE likes to do an ultrasound after confirmation (beta testing) to make sure everything looks good before he releases patients to their regular OB. 

I'm so hopeful this is it. Its been such a long hard road.

-J